Wednesday, May 11, 2011

From conflicting hearts to PEACE

What a day the Lord has made for us. Today, I woke from my sleep so conflicted and angry and on bended knees in prayer. I wasn't throwing a fit of anger or anything like that but I was angry my heart was choosing to believe the enemy and not my Lord and Savior. All the lies he pours on us to make use feel so inadequate and selfish. This morning I woke up knowing I can't move forward with Gracie.. I, I, I, I, I, I...That's all it was, it was ALL about ME. And I couldn't stop it. I email Lisa at Lifeline asking if she could refer to to another doctor and she did but she also sent me an angel named Andrea. I was able to talk to this fellow adopting mama about special needs kiddos and homeschooling our blessings. PRICELESS. I could feel my heart opening for Gracie. It was becoming more about God's will and Gracie and less about me, me me... CJ, bless his heart has not moved too far away from Gracie but the enemy worked on him too and put some fear into his heart as well. Our fear?? Bringing home a dying child. I can hardly type it because how dare we limit God? The Same God that created all things and is control of ALL things! We limit him too much!

Our church is having a Revival, it's actually wrapping up here in a few days and I will miss them all so very much. We have not missed one evening but tonight, I needed to stay home. I did not want to go, I was tired and teary and I wanted a pity party in my honor. CJ felt very different. He didn't ask me to go, he said "honey we're going". Reluctantly, I went and from the minute we walked in the Lord was convicting us left and right. I asked Him for something today, anything to give me hope and direction. Instead, He gave us 2 hours of answers to all of our questions. Here's a sample:
1. Hebrews 2:10-"It was fitting for perfect the author of their salvation through sufferings"

2. Hebrews 5:8-"He learned obedience from the things which He suffered".

3. 1 Peter 1:7- "the trial of your faith, being much more precious than gold".

I was so convicted that during the time we were asked if we felt the Holy Spirit calling us to share our testimony, yours truly went up to the mike. I cannot tell you what I said because I can't remember. My tuff as nails husband wept. When I was finished, I was asked to go to the prayer room and within minutes, I had two women who have children through adoption and a sweet girl that was adopted praying over me. We held hands and prayed and oh my, I had PEACE. By the time I found CJ we just knew our prayers were answered and God specifically told us to bring that angel home. We have no idea how much time she has on this earth but honestly, I do not know how much time any of my children, husband or even myself has on this earth.

Gracie needs to know what it feels to be loved by a family. Gracie needs to be celebrated. Gracie needs to get medical treatment. Gracie needs to know Jesus. Gracie is our daughter.


This is our true story to Gracie. We are leaving the details to God. Our faith will be tested no doubt. The enemy will be attacking. We are putting on our Shield of Armour and moving forward into battle for our girl.

Please pray for us. Please pray for our baby. Please pray for healing. Please pray for a speedy adoption. PRAY PRAY PRAY!!! I would love to know how I can pray for any of you!!! Send me a note, I love prayer partnership!!

We will be sending in our LOI and as soon as we get PA, I will put my baby on my blog. She's a sweet, cutie little angel!

More to come... :)


CK said...

Oh Amy this reminds me so much of the process we went through (with God) when bringing Samuel home. His sweet confirmations will carry you and give you strength through all situations.
P.S. can't wait to see her :)

Football and Fried Rice said...

Cant. Even. Wait.

its gonna be awesome!!!!!

Andrea said...

you are precious! i cant wait to see this story unfold!
awesome !