I've been bottling this up as best as I can. I have talked about this with a few people because I honestly do not have the strength for all of the questions that ultimately bring me to tears. CJ and I are currently in a continual nightmare with USCI$. A decision on our application was rendered then revised. As of yesterday, we were told by our lovely social worker who dropped the ball in the first place that more evidence is going to be needed on my behalf from my divorce that was finalized 12 years ago. Praise God my former spouse and his wife as agreed to whatever I need in order to get this situation resolved. I am not kidding when I say, we have jumped though many hoops to appease USCI$. But as of yesterday, we are losing hope in this situation. I promised God back in April that if we did indeed receive our PA from China that I would be patient, hopeful, trusting, etc... But I'm human and I'm not sure what direction this is going in...I am not angry, I am not asking "why us God" I am thankful for all the many blessings He has given us and I am thankful for the sacrifice that He gave for me. We whole heartily believe in God's will, we do not want to live outside of His will, We are keeping our eyes to Him always but let me tell you my friends, it is very, very hard to see a light at the end of this tunnel. All we think about is Madelyn and what's best for her and my heart aches because it may not include us. I am regretful that we sent her care packages. I am sick thinking she believes we are coming and at this moment I'm not sure it's going to happen.
We are so grateful for the number of people who have stepped up on our behalf. Matt at Senator Dick Durbin's office, my good friend Suzy that knows lots of people in the right places, Trevor's dad Chris and his wife Julie, Rod at church, CJ's former spouse, my friend Malissa, friends and family that have lifted us in prayer (please continue), my Mother-in-law and father-in-law, my mom and siblings, etc... Thank you!
I never imagined this major storm from USCI$. We were approved so quickly with Linzhi that this situation totally blind sided us. And I'm not saying I expected this adoption to be without a hiccup here or there but to the degree USCI$ is taking this, is beyond what we expected, they are treating us like criminals. And let me clarify, neither of us have a criminal, domestic, drug or alcohol, abusive, etc... background...NOTHING! USCI$ is hammering us on verbiage that is stated in both of our prior divorces. We have had ample statements from other government offices and supporting documents to clarify but it's not enough. So we have no idea what else to send in to clarify this common divorce verbiage. If we had a shady background, I would understand but that's not the case so it's even harder to understand. I am laying this all out because we need desperate prayers. I am looking at Madelyn's picture begging God for the honor of being her mother, CJ to be her father, our home to be her home, Rachel and Linzhi to be her sisters, Trevor to be her brother...But we have no guarantee we are seeking God's will which we believe it's God making the decision, not USCI$.
For the last 90 days, I have had many good and positive days and some dark and scary days. Today is a scary day. So on that note, I'm going to personalize one of my favorite scripture verses...
I will trust in the Lord with all of my heart and soul, I will not lean on my own understandings, In all of my ways I will acknowledge and thank HIM because I have faith and BELIEVE HE will make this path straight. As this unfolds, I will keep you all posted. If you think of Madelyn and our family. Prayer is powerful, prayer is uplifting, prayer heals, prayer comforts, prayer is all we have.
