Monday, August 27, 2012


This is my sweet boy.  I found out he was coming into my life when I was 18 years old.  I was told I had "options".  I ignored all the voices and opinions coming out to me as I knew this child was a blessing from God.  When I became a mother on January 12th, 1993 that was the first time in my life I felt loved.  Growing up, I didn't feel loved or wanted much of the time so when that big baby boy was placed in my arms, everything changed.  I made a promise to him the night before his birth that I would tell him everyday how much I loved him and how much he mattered to me.  And now, almost 20 years later, I still hold my promise.

I am pro-life.  I faced hardships as a young, single mother but I knew it was not up to me to choose if my unborn child lived or died.  He has a plan for his life written by his heavenly father and  I am so grateful to be an instrument in the works of God for the life of this sweet soul.

Yesterday, CJ and I moved him into his apartment at his new school in Chicago.  Unfortunately, I couldn't spare Trevor certain hardships that I had hoped to but God was faithful and blessed Trevor with CJ when he was 9 years old.  CJ always loved and provided for Trevor as if he was his own.  So you can imagine my delight as I witnessed yesterday how proud and excited CJ was (and is) for our boy.  It blessed my soul. 

Now I'm learning the new normal around the house, I've had a few several moments of the ugly cry but I'm getting through it. Thankfully, some other mama's have offered encouragement to me today which has helped so much.  I'm a big baby when it comes to the five treasures I call my kids and if you've read my blog over the last 4 years you know that's a true statement! 

So Tonight, even though not all my birds are in the nest, I am Grateful beyond measure, my cup overflows.

Thank you Jesus for Trevor.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

We have names!

This little peanut girl, Miss Gracie Faith is loved so much by all of us and in return, she loves us too.  However, she's been with her forever family for almost 4 months (hard to believe) and she has yet to refer to either CJ or me as daddy/mama.  Of course, this is not a big deal at all, we have learned bonding and attachment takes time and we're so stinkin grateful our baby is healing that calling us daddy/mama, well, it doesn't matter. There have been a handful of times she has called me mama and then would put her hand over her mouth as if she scolded herself and I have a feeling she's so afraid to call me mama as it would mean (to her) that her China mama isn't her mama anymore. This breaks my heart as we never want her to feel she has to choose.  So I asked Madelyn if she would mind telling her (in mandarin) not to worry about calling me mama that we would figure something else out. So she did and that was that...Until Thursday!  We were all out in the pool and little miss needed to show me her latest and greatest trick in the pool.  Well, as you can imagine with four girls swimming my eyes are all over the place watching every one's latest and greatest moves so little miss had to wait a minute (which tends to be hard for a 6 1/2 year old), well, she got impatient and said "Hey Mimi"!  EVERYONE stopped!  I found myself tearing up and laughing at the same time.  It truly never bothered me that when she needed me she would usually just say "um, I need..."  But to actually hear her call me by name did something to my mother's heart.  I was something to her.

By now, she had walked out of the pool to come near me as we were all laughing.  I picked up my teeny baby girl, hugged her and told her how much I loved her and how much I loved being her Mimi.  So there is it!  I'm mama, mom or mommy to Trevor, Madelyn, Rachel and Linzhi Rose and I'm Mimi to little Gracie Faith and that's perfect for this Mama/mimi.  So what a about CJ?  Well, Little miss was so excited she finally figured out what to call me that I asked her what in the world should we call dada? (because she has a China baba too so she will not call CJ baba, daddy or dada)... SO, CJ is Papa and we laugh about it because it seems as if we're grandparents!  I had a friend that called her grandparents Mimi and Papa.  And little miss?  Well, she loves finally having names for us and she will call out to us many times as she can and we answer as if it's always been this way.  And the other kiddos?  Well, Linzhi Rose thought it would be funny to call me Mimi and  I looked at her and asked...Do you really want to call me by that name?  She replied...Maybe once in awhile.  :)

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