Sadness.

I don't even know how to start this post. Our Madelyn has been hit very hard with grief and loss. We are not surprised or panicking, we are so very sad for our girl. Two times today, I sat next to her in her bedroom as she stared at the wall sobbing for her foster family. I know this because I asked her through the translator. My heart has never felt so much pain for any of my children. Linzhi struggled but not for too long (praise God). At one point today, Madelyn did not want me to hold her or look at her. I was not hurt or upset, I totally gave her space, I just sat next to her so she knew I was there and she was not alone. After 20 minutes, I told her I would be back with the laptop and phone. When I came back I asked her if she would like to call her foster father, she said yes, we dialed and it didn't go through. *sigh* ... So I emailed the orphanage director asking if he could help. We're waiting for a response so please pray we can get him on the phone for her. I would love for her to be able to talk to him 1-2 times per week through SKYPE. So all this happened in the morning. We started school late because everything stopped when she broke down. School was challenging today, the girls were not able to sit still or listen. I almost walked out of the room...twice! I prayed with the girls and by the Grace of God we got through the day. During our lunch break Rachel, Linzhi and Madelyn had words and that sent Madelyn back up to her room sobbing. This time she was angry! She knocked down our folders and threw down her purse. Before I went up, I had a talk with Rachel and Linzhi asking them to be patient and kind to her as she is struggling right now. Rachel burst into tears at the thought of Madelyn missing her family in China. She said to me "it's like if you died mama and we would have to live without you" and I do agree, it is like a death for Madelyn and not being able to do anything but pray for her asking the Lord to heal her, we must wait patiently for her to get this all out so she can heal. It could be years but we're in it forever. When I was finished talking with the girls, I went up to see Madelyn. She had her back to the door and she was facing the wall again. I told her I was coming in and she did move so I could get through the door. She again did not want me to touch or hold her so I sat quietly next to her for about 15 minutes then I had to run to the bathroom and told her I would be back, she nodded without looking at me. When I returned, she had moved away from the door, I sat across from her and she looked right into my eyes. I asked her if I could hold her and she almost jumped into my lap. We held each other for at least 10 minutes crying. I told her through the translator that I know she is hurting, angry, confused, homesick, sad, etc... I told her we love her very much and that I wished I could take all her pain away. I also assured her that it is ok to feel all that she is feeling and we are here to help her through this. I prayed over her aloud and she followed my prayer with an "amen". I (we) love this little girl with all our hearts. She has such a sweet disposition, always ready with a smile or a song so when she hurts, it rips our hearts out. This is a process... A L.O.N.G. process. There's good, there's not so good, there's AMAZING times and not so amazing but the truth is this God is in complete control here, I can feel it all around. The enemy may try to hurt us but the shield of Jesus is so much greater and stronger than that pesty fly, I just do not like it when my baby girl is being attacked. Oh my heart. Please pray for her. She is such a brave little angel girl.