Thursday, October 15, 2009

Redirecting my energy.

As most of you know, we are STILL awaiting our approval from USCI$ in order to get our documents to China (DTC). We are now past 60 days and yes, we had an issue come up that we needed to supply additional paperwork to clarify...So to say I'm a nervous wreck would be a slight understatement. I have some dear friends that are going through similar issues that I'm praying for all of them as well. So yesterday, I was driving aimlessly around town to kill time before picking up Rachel from school and I just finally surrendered my heart and anxiety on my precious Jesus. To be real here, I have not been myself for the last month. On Sept. 4th, we got an email from USCI$ and Karla at Lifeline with some disturbing news that our application was in question, my heart sank and it has not returned to it's normal place since then. I was sick with fear through CJ's 20th class reunion, our wedding anniversary, our weekend getaway for our anniversary, a wedding, a 50th birthday, another wedding, Trevor's homecoming, dance class, field trips, etc.... You get the point. I allowed fear, anxiety, worry, wonder, my pride (how dare they question us???) get in the way of enjoying my present life with my kids and husband. I must say though, I'm pretty good at keeping it together for the sake of my kids but at night I would dump my heart and soul on CJ, I would either cry or convey my frustration and the "What if's" if by chance we are denied. IT. WAS. AGONY. (and it may hit me again). But as of yesterday afternoon, I decided USCI$ is not the determining factor here because the truth is, God is above everything and ultimately, HE decides if we are approved or denied. Period. I trust Him and as much as we would be heartbroken if the decision does not go the way we would like it, I must be faithful and trust that His plan, His will, is what is best for Madelyn and our family. But as a human and a mother, I will be devastated with grief. So, today, my husband leaves for China, I will not let fear and anxiety get in the way our day. I will Trust our best interest is in the hands of God and will continue to pray for all my friends that are waiting or wondering about their approvals (PA, LOA, TA or from USCI$).

So back to yesterday... I got BUSY and redirected my energy on something more productive! We needed to wrap up some final adoption paperchasing things like, family photos and mounting paper so I can make them all pretty to send to CCA@, I also bought laminating stuff (I'm not crafty at all) so God willing I can get it all laminated too...We'll see about that one...LOL... I also got a hold of a local service that will certify and authenticate our approval once it arrives. So I feel like the clouds are lifting and I'm beginning to relax a bit. Sometimes I feel like God puts me in a time out until I decide to get out of HIS chair and let HIM do HIS work, not what I think He should do. I guess, I'm still learning here... Here is the quick family photo we took last night and boy, do I mean quick!

Yeah, the house isn't even in the picture like it was suppose to be...IT was SO cold!


TanyaLea said...

Oh Amy ~ My heart goes out to you during these 'hiccups' in the journey. We just passed through some of those ourselves, but I truly knew they were 'attacks' from the enemy and used the authority given to us as Children of God to remind him that he is under our feet, and that GREATER is Jesus in me, than he(satan) that is in the world. I have been quoting one scripture after another and taking claim to them over our situation. The Bible says that God's Word will NOT return unto us void... and that His Word is STRONGER than any two-edged sword. PTL!! So since I knew very well that I was at battle with the enemy (because he NEVER wants to see any orphans join their family), I battled with my sword of God's Word and took authority over Satan's hand in all of this. I encourage you to do the same and to continue surrendering to God while staking claim on the PROMISES of His Word. HE WILL SEE YOU THROUGH!!

"The One who calls you is faithful. He will make it happen."
~ 1 Thessalonians 5:24

love and hugs,

Jenna York said...

Ok, I am wondering where is poor russell? You have a picture with tinkerbell in it, but no russell! Poor guy gets left out!
Love the lights on the outside of the house. I haven't seen your updates to the yard yet!
Oh, Amy. Please don't put off giving your cares to God. He doesn't want you to fret and worry so. Praying for peace of heart for you. Love ya!

The Ferrill's said...

Oh Amy I am praying for you...I know you've walked this road of adoption before and every time it is different. Thank you for sharing how you had to just give it all to God. So many times when I am fretting, I don't let myself enjoy things wholeheartedly. I am guilty of F.E.A.R. Beth Moore once said an acronym for FEAR is
SO TRUE! When I fear the unknown, I make up scenarios that aren't even happening...Yep. False evidence appearing real. May you be surrounded by God's Truths every second of everyday until you hold in your hand that approval. What a glorious day that will be!
We are praying for C.J., too.....
Love & hugs,

Chelley said...

I really want to write something that could give you comfort but I know that they only thing that would do that for you is to get approved!! So wil pray for that!!


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