Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I knew this day would come...

Yesterday morning, the girls and I were in bed cuddling before we left for morning school. Out of the blue, Linzhi states "I hate my hands, I want long fingers like you, daddy, Teber (trev) and Rachel" Tears filled my eyes as I told her "how much I loved her pretty hands and therapy and stretching will help you use your hands better" (ugh). Rachel then looked at Linzhi and said "well, sister...I love them too and I wish I had crooked hands like you!" Linzhi then started to cry silent tears which torn me up even more so, Rachel and I just held her and wiped her tears as they came out of her beautiful black eyes. I know this is hard for her especially when it takes her longer to do things but we have to let her do them or she'll struggle more than she has to. We give her three chances to do it her way, if unsuccessful we will assist her in achieving her goal but she HAS to try three times. Her doctor made it very clear not to teach her our ways but to watch how she does it and assist as needed. This has proven to be excellent advice as we see daily how she gets her business done her way. I guess for me, to hear the words come out of her mouth stating she hates her hands, broke her mama's heart. I can't wait for the day that she understands when I say "you are perfect just the way you are" or when her daddy kissing her little petite hands and says "daddy loves Linzhi's hands" In time, she will have surgery to help release her tendons which will straighten her fingers out a bit more but that won't be for a few years and honestly, I'm praying therapy will be enough to get her in a more functioning state, I'd like to avoid surgery all together but that's just the mama bear in me. We will do what ever is necessary for Linzhi and if that means surgery than so be it. I know there are lots of kiddos out there just like my girl and I am so thankful we're dealing with Arthrogryposis, it's manageable and does not progress. All we can do is lift her up and pray for our sweet little Lu Lu Belle.

I always tell my kids "Dare to be different" Trevor gets it, Rachel almost gets it but Linzhi has no idea what I mean but I believe in my heart one day she will take that dare to be different and embrace her differences and celebrate how the Lord made her perfect in his eyes and ours.

Have a blessed evening!


Lori Lee said...

I'm so sorry to that news. Please feel free to show her Sara's hands too (lori-lee.com), that she's not the only one, and remind her that she is "...fearfully and wonderfully made."

Jenna York said...

She is so precious. I hate to think that she is feeling bad about her hands. She is special!

The Ferrill's said...

Aw, Amy...hard times. Hard things to walk through yet we know they are inevitable with our girls...
This is what I pray for Kimmie and little Linzhi:
May they have a godly self esteem, one that is rooted in the realization that they are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works! (That is based on a verse in Ephesians..)
God has such a special plan for Linzhi...she is radiating His glory and splendor!

Tracey S. said...

Hi Amy,

I've been following your blog for probably a month or so, your latest post made me cry too. I remember being where your daughter is emotionally regarding my hands. Like Linzhi, I have Arthrogryposis affecting my arms/ hands, my lowers are also involved. I used to hate my hands, they are the first thing people notice and often react to. Over the years I've learned to LOVE my hands just the way they are because I wouldn't be me without them or any of my other joint contractures. I will NEVER forget the moment I saw a fellow human being with "hands just like mine", it was the most freeing moment of my life. I attended the 1st annual Arthrogryposis Convention in Chicago in 2006 and I walked in the door and saw Theresa standing there, hands at her side. I just stared, her hands were bent at the wrist and didn't move normally, it was in that moment I realized I wasn't so different. At the 2007 convention I shook the hand of a little girl named Kendra and when I did that she did a double take of my hand, everyone around us realized she noticed my hands were just like hers. I hope and pray Linzhi learns to love and cherish her beautiful hands! I'll be praying for your adoption and following your blog closely.

Take Care,