Yesterday morning, the girls and I were in bed cuddling before we left for morning school. Out of the blue, Linzhi states "I hate my hands, I want long fingers like you, daddy, Teber (trev) and Rachel" Tears filled my eyes as I told her "how much I loved her pretty hands and therapy and stretching will help you use your hands better" (ugh). Rachel then looked at Linzhi and said "well, sister...I love them too and I wish I had crooked hands like you!" Linzhi then started to cry silent tears which torn me up even more so, Rachel and I just held her and wiped her tears as they came out of her beautiful black eyes. I know this is hard for her especially when it takes her longer to do things but we have to let her do them or she'll struggle more than she has to. We give her three chances to do it her way, if unsuccessful we will assist her in achieving her goal but she HAS to try three times. Her doctor made it very clear not to teach her our ways but to watch how she does it and assist as needed. This has proven to be excellent advice as we see daily how she gets her business done her way. I guess for me, to hear the words come out of her mouth stating she hates her hands, broke her mama's heart. I can't wait for the day that she understands when I say "you are perfect just the way you are" or when her daddy kissing her little petite hands and says "daddy loves Linzhi's hands" In time, she will have surgery to help release her tendons which will straighten her fingers out a bit more but that won't be for a few years and honestly, I'm praying therapy will be enough to get her in a more functioning state, I'd like to avoid surgery all together but that's just the mama bear in me. We will do what ever is necessary for Linzhi and if that means surgery than so be it. I know there are lots of kiddos out there just like my girl and I am so thankful we're dealing with Arthrogryposis, it's manageable and does not progress. All we can do is lift her up and pray for our sweet little Lu Lu Belle.
I always tell my kids "Dare to be different" Trevor gets it, Rachel almost gets it but Linzhi has no idea what I mean but I believe in my heart one day she will take that dare to be different and embrace her differences and celebrate how the Lord made her perfect in his eyes and ours.
Have a blessed evening!