Thursday, August 7, 2008

OK, what would you do?

Today, I took my little girls to get their pre-school physicals. We have gone to this doctor for 5 years and NEVER had issues with care...until today.

Linzhi had a complete meltdown today in the doctor's office, it all started when she was asked to step on the scale and it didn't end until we were driving home. Let me fill in the blanks here. Something happened to our peanut, she must have had a trigger of a bad memory from a time when she wasn't with mommy and daddy. She would not make eye contact with me and went from crying to screaming to shaking. I have never seen her like this and it terrified both Rachel and me. Now, when the doctor came in the room (keep in mind he helped us through the whole pre-adoption) he went on ahead and completed Rachel's exam through all the screaming and crying and when it came to Linzhi we both had to hold her down. He was like a robot with Linzhi, turning her, holding her head down without saying a word to her. I was trying to hold and comfort my child who acted as those she didn't even recognize me but I still held her and tried to assure her she was ok. Now, I know he is not her family and I wasn't expecting him to love on her but he completely showed a different mannerism with Rachel. He didn't even acknowledge Linzhi. My heart was racing and my face was flush, I was trying to hold back my tears as he finished her exam. When he finished, he literally walked away without saying a word, I looked up to ask him if he wanted us to wait here or go in the lobby? As I was about to ask, I saw him walking out the door ROLLING his eyes! He then proceeded to walk out and shut the door. No instructions on what we were to do next. At this point, excuse my anger I was going to come out of my skin. I opened the door with my screaming child on my hip and asked "Are you finished?" He said "yeah, you can take her out to the waiting room, it's empty" At this point not only am I shaking but Rachel is asking with great concern, what is wrong with my sister? So, we proceed to go out to the waiting room as he finishes writing up the physical forms, we waited for 10 minutes! At this point Linzhi was kicking and thrashing (so unlike her), I put her down on the chair and sat next to Rachel as she was looking at a Highlights magazine. I put my hand on Linzhi's knee just to let her know I was still there with her. She still wouldn't make eye contact so I just let her be(screaming and crying). Finally, after the 10 minutes of waiting I went up to the glass window, knocked and asked if I could pick up the forms later? Dr. S tells me it will just be a few more minutes. I pointed my finger at him and said, "I'm leaving in 30 seconds" I promise you, I tried my best to NOT get ugly with him but I was at my limited with his callus attitude. I walked away, grabbed my screaming child, held the hand of my very confused and worried older daughter and proceeded to walk out the door when the receptionist ran out with the forms. I could tell she had compassion because she came with stickers and a smile. I thanked her and walked to my car in tears and prayed for strength and forgiveness. As I put the girls in the car, hands shaking I call the one besides God that gives me strength, my husband. As I'm telling him about our experience, my cell phone does dead! I guess the Lord wanted me to continue praying which is what I did. I prayed for my little girl that was finally coming out of a very dark place and I prayed that Rachel would see her sisters pain and have compassion which she did. We finally made it home, to our safe haven from the sometimes ugly world. God blessed us with a cool evening so I sat in the garage and watched my babies ride their bikes until daddy came home. Still very upset about our experience...

OK, I love all my blogging buddies and trust your opinion... We have decided to find a new pediatrician immediately. Now, my question to all of you is... Do I write a letter (after praying for guidance) to this doctor OR do I let it be??? I am not one to keep my mouth shut and brush things under the rug BUT I also want to make God proud of me and I'm afraid to do the wrong thing...HELP!!!

Thanks again for letting me vent. Please pray for Linzhi. She is much better now and seemed herself at bedtime. We were able to snuggle and I got great eye contact from her and she said her prayers with sissy, giggled when daddy tucked them in... so all seems OK in her world but prayers always help. =)

Love and hugs,


Katy said...

WOW.....I am speechless! I would have been bawling right there with you if a dr had treated us like that too!!! How horrible! :(

I think I would send a (not angry or sappy) but truthful letter explaining that you will be finding a new pediatrician and will need all your childrens' medical records to take with you. I would explain that you made the decision after serious thought, prayer and discussion with your husband. I would thank them for their previous services and support but that you really feel the manner in which the doctor acted at your appointment was inappropriate and inexcusable.

I don't know..something along those lines....or different..?? LOL..I am not sure. That's just what I would do. I am so sorry this happened and hope you find a more sympathetic pedia. for your kids! I hope Linzhi is OK too!!!

GrandmaSharon said...

Hi Amy:

I am shocked -- especially since I thought Dr. S. was the epitomy of a kind, loving, supportive physician that was there to help his patients....something must have happened in his life that week to cause him to be so insensitive....HOWEVER, I believe I would send him a letter indicating that your family has always held him in high esteem as their physician who can help them thru any concern - however, after the insensitive way he handled Linzhi, you must find another doctor (with God's guidance) who will understand your children's needs, and particularly Linzhi who cannot tell you about her experiences in the orphanage that may have terrified her. Let him know that you will be praying for him in treating his future patients.

Love Grandma Sharon :)

Jenna York said...

Well, I am all about second chances and talking through the problem. I although have never had a ped treat my children unkindly. I have had one treat me unkindly and I confronted him in the exam room right then and then. I didn't leave until we had this straightened out RIGHT NOW! But, that is me. An immediate crusader against injustice.
I think if I liked this ped all along, and this is the first time this happened, I would call and talk to him. Sometimes peds are up all night treating a sick kid for an emergency and they get cranky like we do. Maybe a crying child was more than he could deal with that day. Plus, some of these docs are so stressed by the hospital affiliations they work for (not pushing through enough patients due to HMO), or the staff in the office don't like how he was doing things or a host of other issues. I know these are excuses....but we are still humans and make bad judgements sometimes. I wasn't there to get a sense of the doc, but if you really lost trust in him, find a new doc. I think a phone call though is more appropriate than a letter because you lose a lot of the feeling writing. You could be sitting here thinking that I sound harsh and hard, when I am really almost in tears for the lack of compassion given to such a precious sweet jewel of a girl.
Opinions are just that, opinions. You have to do what you feel is in the best interest of your children. You also need to know if you could possibly talk to this doc calm, yet firm, or if you think you can do that in a letter. I think you may get an actual response to your concern, and possibly an apology if you call. If you call and you don't get a satisfactory response, then run!!!!! You have precious children. Hang in there! Love ya!

Barbie said...

I am so sorry this happened. Ryan has that same behavior once in a great while for no apparent reason. We have seen it mostly when we are in a hotel room and he realizes we are sleeping there. It is so sad to see them like that. As for the doctor, I am so GLAD to hear you are going to find another one. And YES write a letter!! Again, I am so sorry.

Sandy said...

my heart goes out to linzhi and rachel and you, matter what the dr. has gone thru that would have made him react to linzhi as he did, he has an obligation to each patient to be the best he can be....his lack of judgement over taking care of linzhi in this way, shows that he should not be your children's pediatrician...
you should either talk to him or send him a factual letter telling him that you are changing drs. for your children's sake...then seek the Lord's guidance as to the right dr. to use....interview each dr. to discern God's leading: is this the dr. You have chosen for our children to have?
this should give you a peace in your's and c.j.'s hearts if he/she is the right dr.
God Bless you as you seek Him....
love ya,
cousin sandy

The Ferrill's said...

How did I miss this post? I'm so sorry for you and for little Linzhi. Bless her baby heart. We just have no idea what goes through their little minds, and I am SO sorry the doctor was not supportive and compassionate. I can totally empathize with you...momma bear comes out when it has to do with my baby cubs!
I know myself, I'm a much better letter writer than face to face or voice to voice confrontation, so I would definitely write a letter. If I was a doctor, I would want to know if I offended someone, ya know? The Bible says "A gentle answer turns away wrath..." so I would just be gentle, but honest.
That's a hard place to be, but I know you'll do and say just what you need to!

Denise said...

So sorry this happened to you. Lots of great advice here, but I would leave and like the others said, I would write a letter. I can always get my thoughts down better on paper. Good luck~

AnnaB said...

Oh my goodness Amy!! I have been so behind on blogs and such. My heart is racing with anger and frustration and I can almost feel the anxiety you must have felt. I agree with Katy on how to write the letter. One should be written for sure. If only to give the office information. You may not change the pig-headed dr.'s callous attitude but, you will know that with guidance from God you did the right thing.

So grateful that Linzhi recovered and responded to you all.

Big hugs,

Ronda said...

How incredibly awful! I would write a letter. I am so sorry Linzhi had to go through that...sometimes with these girls we take one step forward only to get knocked back two by uninformed individuals. I hope Linzhi can move on with her new md =).