Monday, September 5, 2011

She knows.

Little miss gracie will be our third adoption in four years.  I feel somewhat of a "seasoned" mother as she will be my fifth child but I know one this for sure...She knows.  Gracie knows she is leaving her China family very shortly and by the look on her face she's feeling it.  I know in my heart she was told because her facial expression is all too familiar...First with Linzhi, then with Madelyn.  Linzhi felt the grief immediately, Madelyn covered it until we were back home.  I knew Madelyn's smiles in China were covering her pain, I knew it deep in my soul.  Linzhi was too little to make heads or tails of what was going on, Madelyn was almost nine and got it, quick!  Linzhi's grief lasted a couple of weeks, then like all little one's they forget.  Nine year olds don't forget, they carry it forever.  What about a six year old?  How much does she understand?  Did she look at our picture and freeze?  My guess, yes.  I look at her face and I see it plain as day.  She knows we're coming and to be real honest, when I looked at her face, I froze because it became very real to me that SHE IS COMING!  When we start a new adoption, I always feel like it's so far away and I don't "plan" things in my mind.  I don't often picture them in our home or prepare much because I know it's months and months away and I am not good with waiting so I trick myself into not thinking of it at all.  Well, now we're getting into the second phase and the idea of Gracie is becoming more real.  I am now picturing her in the house, looking through Linzhi's clothes to see what would fit little miss (we found out through the measurements, she only stands 37 inches), I am now getting her school books ready and wondering if she knows her ABC and 123's and most of all I am getting concerned for her emotional well-being.  I already see it in that precious angel face.  She knows. She may not understand it all but she knows something is going to change in her little world.  And as her mama my heart feels it too.

1 Peter 5:6-7
 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Jesus, cover her in your Grace.  Prepare her heart for her new life.  Hide her under your wing.  Cast out her anxiety and fear in your precious name.  Amen!


TanyaLea said...

That's tough to see and recognize as a seasoned mama who has done this before. But you can rest in knowing that she will get through it and love being with her new family and her sisters who have 'been there, done that' too! She's not alone and I trust that her next birthday photos will be of her standing by her cake, surrounded by her sisters looking on and all SMILES! ...because of God's grace and love, we KNOW she will get there!!

Thinking of you and praying for your sweet girl and that heart of her's.

Blessings and Hugs,
~ Tanya

Lori said...

it will be so wonderful to know her and to be known by her...transitions are foggy and fear filled...but when it clears...oh what great love! It's a joyful/painful love filled with knowing God's blessing for being obedient yet still patiently waiting for Him to complete it. Nothing in the world can explain the love of adoption. I imagine it's like us being grafted in to family of Christ...what great love!

Football and Fried Rice said...

It's hard, isn't it? Knowing that no matter how prepared WE are, it's still going to be so, so hard. On us, on them. Nothing can truly prepare us or them, but we can PRAY for the Lord's grace and protection upon their little hearts! Next years birthday? Nothing short of beautiful for Miss Graie Faith! I can't wait!