Monday, January 4, 2010

What to post, what to post????

I am trying to think of something to post about, there's a ton going on! I'm trying to get my house packed and organized for our big move up the road and then there's all the fun prep work for the new house like, paint colors, flooring, new appliances, just to name a few...

But then there has been some HUGE changes for me spiritually. I wish I would put into words how much the Lord has been working on me, changing me, testing me, laughing with me, crying with me... And I'm finding myself running to Him like I've never before. Yes, I need Him for everything but It's different than even that, I feel the old Amy dying and the new Amy beginning to live the way He's wanted me to live for such a long time. I know He made me fearfully in His imagine and I know He knows I've been very stubborn most of my life when it came to living completely for Him. So I guess I can say I finally feel the peace and freedom of completely surrendering to Him, my chains are falling from my body and I feel renewed in so many parts of my life that I felt would never change. I'm going to be real honest here and share an example:

I was chained to vanity. I'm not kidding, it was not healthy and for years I let it get the best of me and even allowed it to keep me from leaving the house. Some who really know me may laugh and say "Don't be so dramatic, we're all like that" Yes, I see a lot of the women in my life stress about weight, hair, make-up, wrinkles, etc... I was right there with them and my deal has always been my HAIR!!!!!!!!! I've cut it, curled it, colored it, straightened it, fried it, conditioned it, hated it, loved it, you get the idea right??? I had a huge wake up call when my younger cousin was diagnosed and is in stage 4 breast cancer. It almost makes me sick to think how much I take for granted...So, this is my new dedication... I will thank God every day for granting me another healthy day to take care of my husband, kids and home. I will not allow Satan to make me feel less of a women by flooding me with imagines on TV or magazines that pressure me to look a certain way. I refuse to allow my hair or any other vanity issues keep me from enjoying or missing out on any part of my life. Seriously, this is a serious issues for many women and I'm not saying to let yourself go. I work out 3-4 days a week to keep my body healthy and I will only allow 15 mins for my hair and if it goes over that than I walk away from the mirror. Ok, I'm off my soap box about vanity. You get the idea. I just want to say one more things, if you ever feel ugly or fat or whatever, go to your bible immediately. Jesus tells us over and over again how much we are loved and wanted. God created us in His image and He doesn't make mistakes. Take care of your body by feeding it well (splurging once in a while too), love your body, yes LOVE it no matter what the scale or the size of jeans you're wearing these days. Every time I want to complain, I think of Lindsay, my cousin who is desperately trying to hang on to life a little while longer to raise her 5 beautiful children. I know she would love to worry about jeans sizes over chemo, radiation, side affects, hair loss, fear, anxiety, you get the idea. So no more of that garbage in my life!!!!

Here's another example:

Yes, we are still in limbo on the adoption front. It has been 2 weeks since USC!S received our response of a new home study and approvals. Surprisingly, I'm calm. CJ and I both feel we are being tested spiritually and this is one test we both want to pass! I'm going to be honest here, I have NO idea what will happen with USC!S but it's really not up to them. It's truly God's plan and we decided to let go of the reins completely. I will not email or call for updates, I will not allow satan to come into my head and make me freak out every time a get an email alert or see the mail truck (yes, I admit I stalked to poor mail man), I will not allow satan to rob me of any more Joy. How can I allow that to happen and miss out on all the miracles and confirmation we have received from our God Almighty? Yes, we're human and there are days that get tough but honestly, it's less and less. I feel decision time is coming soon and we're ready! Once it's all done I will post about our story that I haven't shared yet, between the dates of September 4, 2009 to ???? God has shown up big time! In fact, a couple of times I think my mouth flew right open!!! So I feel like this, there is nothing bigger or greater than the one and only Jesus Christ. He's got Madelyn's back, He's got us covered, He's walking next to us, holding us, picking us up, brushing the dirt off us and confirming over and over to keep moving and that we're on the right track. I look back on the events of the last four months and I am so thankful our faith and trust is being tested. I want to grow closer to Him, I want to know Him better, I want Him to take over our lives in a Big way, I want to glorify Him in all that I do! (CJ does too, big changes in CJ since coming home from his mission trip in China). I honestly feel like we're being asked to "walk the walk" and I welcome it! Even if we are not the parents He choses for Madelyn, I know He's got her covered. I will grieve terribly , don't get me wrong. I. Will. Be. Heartbroken. (We all will) but through our tears we will praise Him always.

Hopefully, my next post will be about DECISION DAY!!!! Please continue to pray for us!!!! We covet all your prayers. There is so much POWER in PRAYER!!!

"Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess."

Hebrews 4:14


Chelley said...

well for someone that not alot to post about! I think you done a great job!

YOU have my prayers!

Stefanie said...

What a beautiful, God-glorifying post! Thank you so much for the reminder to not lose one day to the fruitless: worry, self-doubt, fear. But to enjoy EVERY day for what it is: a GIFT!!
Big hugs to you my friend! I'll be praying for God's hands to be all over 'decision day' :)

Football & Fried Rice said...

It sure sounds like someone is living in the FREEDOM that God intended for her! It is so easy to get convinced by the day to day grind and to miss out on everything that God has for us and the benefits to letting the SPIRIT come alive inside of us!

One of the reasons that Francis Chan wrote the book "Crazy Love" was to help us recognize how often we plan & live like God doesn't even exist - we try to set up our lives so that we will be fine even if God doesn't "come through" -

I am here to tell you that you are a walking, living example of what life looks like when you step OUT of your comfort zone and completely rely upon God the the Holy Spirit living in you!! You are a true testament to what it looks like commit to serving God - no matter what.

I just know that God is going to bless you deeply through this journey, I am sure He already has. I pray that He has already chosen you to be Madelyn's parents, her family.

Can't wait till 'decision day'!

The Ferrill's said...

Oh Amy, thank you so much for writing this! It ministers to me and convicts me and encourages me all at the same time! I am praying praying praying that you hear good matter what, like you said, it will be good because GOD is in control! You are right! It is in HIS hands and no one else's! I praise God for all He is doing in your family and in your hearts!
Love you!

Sandy said...

WOW, Amy....I agree with all of the posts before mine to you....
I have wanted to call you for some time and remembered that Sharon didn't give me your phone #.
Prayers for CJ and his trip were going up from High Point, NC for sure...friends that have made that trip before years ago prayed for him and you back on the home front.
I pray daily for Lindsay....
Get my # from Sharon and call me....
Love ya cuz,

Lisa H. said...

Amazing, challenging post! Still praying!

Janet and Kevin said...


Great post. Lots to think about! I will keep praying for you all!

In Christ,
janet, kevin, ted, philip, and soon to be home eli

Lori Lee said...

Will be praying for you! (you do have great hair by the way!)

Julie said...

You sure did have a lot to post about.

What a moving and inspiring life you're living! Praying for good news.

Can't wait to hear about decision day.

Miss Anna B said...

What a beautiful post and awesome reminder to find JOY! In every time, in every season. It takes such great faith to just allow Him to lead us. I am so amazed by your faith. I love it!

Can't wait to see more miracles unfold.


TanyaLea said...

Wow, Amy. Thank you. This was a great post. Very profound in so many ways. I felt everything from conviction to gratefulness and understanding as I read through it. I, too, have struggled with vanity in my own life. Not judging others, but myself in this area. Mostly my weight over the past few years since my car accident. Losing it has been a struggle and I constantly find myself avoiding cameras and throwing out sarcastic jokes about myself to fill my inadequacies. But this post puts so much into perspective, and I long to be on your side of the fence. I'm working on it, but I haven't quite climbed over yet...think I might be hung up on some barbwire or something! ;) But the FREEDOM in letting go of vanity has got to feel SO good.

And I can't wait to hear the 'rest of the story' and praying that God will see you through and clearly light the path to 'decision day'! I know He has big things in store for your family in the year to come. To Him be all GLORY!


Barbie said...

You are such an encouragement Amy! Thank you for what you wrote. I will be praying for your family and for decision day.