Rachel, Linzhi Rose and stuff

I know, I know, I said I was going to go on hiatus...Well, I guess I can't stay away. There are so many things going on in my head that I'm finding it hard to sleep...So I decided to check in on my son's facebook page and came across this cute picture of my little girlies on Halloween and since I was in a complete fog of fear over that holiday, I never did post any Halloween pics...Shame on me! Here's Rachel as Ariel (doing her swimming moves) and Linzhi Rose as Mulan. I just love those babies and my big guy Trev!






No news from USC!S. I've had a couple of bad days with fear and doubt. I'm not going to lie, it's been tough. I am standing firm with Jesus...I just wish He was able to sit down on my couch and physically hold me while I cry. I know He's with me, I feel Him but I would love to be able to hold His hand or feel Him holding mine. Isn't that so childlike? I am so grateful for His word and I cling to my bible for all things in life...The great, no so great and just horrible. He is here with all of us through it all, He is holding my hand and holding me when I get weak and cry out for a decision. Can you tell, I've been a blubbering cry baby the last couple of days, it just hits me like a ton of bricks, my nose burns and my eyes getting watery over the littlest of things. I think I hold it in too much so I'm going to scream it now....

I WANT TO BE MADELYN'S MOTHER! I WANT TO HOLD MY DAUGHTER! I WANT AN APPROVAL!!!! I WANT TO FLY TO CHINA NOW!!!! I WANT TO START DECORATING HER ROOM!!! I WANT TO START PLANNING FOR HER ARRIVAL!!!! I WANT TO SEE HER WITH HER SISTERS AND BROTHER!!! I WANT HER NOW!

I. AM. SO.TIRED. OF. WAITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IT'S BEEN FIVE MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, better! LOL... I laugh because it is totally what I (we) want. We want it our way, right? I mean come on in my mind it makes perfect sense and it all works according to MY plans. However, God is different. He works in His timing which of course is perfect but to us, while we're in the middle of the storm, it doesn't make any sense at all. Yes, I am going through a tough spot but I will not let the enemy win, no way! I know there is an end to this everlasting, major hiccup...I just have no idea when the Lord will answer our prayers (yes or no). *sigh*

I think way back in April when we were praying for our PA from China. I promised God if we indeed received our PA I would not fret or get anxious during the course of the adoption because the odds were against us with the PA and He came through for us then and I know He will again. I need to keep my end of the bargain because He always keeps His. It's hard to be human, isn't it?? I mean all the peaks and valleys of walking with the Lord, He never promised it would be easy but He keeps His promise as the Shepard of His flock. We are His and he will never let us go to far off the deep without His hand to pull us back. What a relief! Amen!