Saturday, November 7, 2009

And the nightmare continues....

I've been bottling this up as best as I can. I have talked about this with a few people because I honestly do not have the strength for all of the questions that ultimately bring me to tears. CJ and I are currently in a continual nightmare with USCI$. A decision on our application was rendered then revised. As of yesterday, we were told by our lovely social worker who dropped the ball in the first place that more evidence is going to be needed on my behalf from my divorce that was finalized 12 years ago. Praise God my former spouse and his wife as agreed to whatever I need in order to get this situation resolved. I am not kidding when I say, we have jumped though many hoops to appease USCI$. But as of yesterday, we are losing hope in this situation. I promised God back in April that if we did indeed receive our PA from China that I would be patient, hopeful, trusting, etc... But I'm human and I'm not sure what direction this is going in...I am not angry, I am not asking "why us God" I am thankful for all the many blessings He has given us and I am thankful for the sacrifice that He gave for me. We whole heartily believe in God's will, we do not want to live outside of His will, We are keeping our eyes to Him always but let me tell you my friends, it is very, very hard to see a light at the end of this tunnel. All we think about is Madelyn and what's best for her and my heart aches because it may not include us. I am regretful that we sent her care packages. I am sick thinking she believes we are coming and at this moment I'm not sure it's going to happen.

We are so grateful for the number of people who have stepped up on our behalf. Matt at Senator Dick Durbin's office, my good friend Suzy that knows lots of people in the right places, Trevor's dad Chris and his wife Julie, Rod at church, CJ's former spouse, my friend Malissa, friends and family that have lifted us in prayer (please continue), my Mother-in-law and father-in-law, my mom and siblings, etc... Thank you!

I never imagined this major storm from USCI$. We were approved so quickly with Linzhi that this situation totally blind sided us. And I'm not saying I expected this adoption to be without a hiccup here or there but to the degree USCI$ is taking this, is beyond what we expected, they are treating us like criminals. And let me clarify, neither of us have a criminal, domestic, drug or alcohol, abusive, etc... background...NOTHING! USCI$ is hammering us on verbiage that is stated in both of our prior divorces. We have had ample statements from other government offices and supporting documents to clarify but it's not enough. So we have no idea what else to send in to clarify this common divorce verbiage. If we had a shady background, I would understand but that's not the case so it's even harder to understand. I am laying this all out because we need desperate prayers. I am looking at Madelyn's picture begging God for the honor of being her mother, CJ to be her father, our home to be her home, Rachel and Linzhi to be her sisters, Trevor to be her brother...But we have no guarantee we are seeking God's will which we believe it's God making the decision, not USCI$.

For the last 90 days, I have had many good and positive days and some dark and scary days. Today is a scary day. So on that note, I'm going to personalize one of my favorite scripture verses...

I will trust in the Lord with all of my heart and soul, I will not lean on my own understandings, In all of my ways I will acknowledge and thank HIM because I have faith and BELIEVE HE will make this path straight.

As this unfolds, I will keep you all posted. If you think of Madelyn and our family. Prayer is powerful, prayer is uplifting, prayer heals, prayer comforts, prayer is all we have.


Julie said...

Keep the faith sister!!! God is in control! Just remember that he has already gone ahead of all of this. He was there when you started this process, he is here with you now, and is where you will be with the outcome! Don't let the enemy steal your hope or your joy! God is faithful. He is with you. Be encouraged that God only gives us what we can handle, even when we feel like we will crumble. In our weakness He is made strong! Consider this trial as God sifting you and CJ. You have to be sifted for our Father to get the best out of you! Remember that He who began a good work in you IS faithful to complete it! Remember what I told you on the phone about how the enemy will attack us when we are doing God's work! Keep praising God and trusting him, even on the stormy sea. He will not let you drown!


Stefanie said...

Oh Amy... I am so sorry you are enduring this!!
I am reminded of our new family scripture memory verse:

"Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are Mine. When you go through deep waters and great troubles, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression you will not be burned up, the flames will not consume you." ~ Isaiah 43:1-2
Prayers going up for you!!

Football & Fried Rice said...

Oh Amy - satan's attack is proof that the cause is worthy! Madelyn is worthy. Bringing her home is worthy. The pain and difficulty and growth in Christ, makes it worthy.

"Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, 'Give them up!' and to the south, 'Do not hold them back!' Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth." - Isaiah 43:5-6


Lori Lee said...

Thank you for sharing, now I know specifically what to pray for. You and your family will be lifted up before the King of Kings.

Janet and Kevin said...

Thank you for your sweet comment on our blog. MAW is wonderful, isn't it?

I will lift you all up in prayer right this moment. God is so much bigger than anything, even governments! He has proven his might many times in our current adoption. I have no doubt God will prove it in yours.

In Christ,
Janet, Kevin, Ted, Philip, and waiting for our sweet Eli

TanyaLea said...

...prayer may be all that you have left... but prayer IS's all that you need!!

I Thes.5:24 ~
"The One who calls you is faithful. He will make it happen."

Hold onto your faith dear friend. You have some great supporters on here and some amazing advice. I agree whole-heartedly with what both Stefanie and Sara had to say...and Isaiah 43 is a great chapter to read over and over again. Fill your heart with the word and build up your faith. And remember that Ephesians 6:12 says that: "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places." Satan knows that you are on track and he wants to do everything in his power to break you down and derail this adoption. But remind him that he is UNDER your feet and that GREATER is Jesus in you, than the enemy of darkness in this world. PTL for the POWER we are given by His Word and entitled to as joint heirs in Christ! <>< We're all out here praying for you and standing it the gap as an army against the enemy who is trying to get in the way. But speak out loud to him and let him know that he WILL NOT WIN THIS BATTLE! God promises in the Bible that His word shall not return unto us void! So stake claim to your heritage as a Child of the Most High King and begin to praise Him for his DIVINE intervention and a VICTORY won! Madelyn will be home one day Amy...she will, because HE will make it happen!! <><

Big Hugs,

Julie said...

My heart breaks as I read this. Keep the faith.

I will keep praying for you, for your family and for Madelyn.

The Ferrill's said...

Oh Amy I am praying praying praying...for favor for your family, for the enemy to be bound from this entire process, for quick resolution, for peace and abundant grace to rain down upon your family...
The Lord hears our prayers and He is already moving...He will keep in perfect peace those whose mind is steadfast on Him! STEADFAST...
Hold on, friend.
I love you!

Mandi said...

Oh Amy, my heart is aching for you and your family right now. I will definitely be sending prayers up for you.

Keep believing that He is in control and He placed Madelyn in your hearts.


Anonymous said...

Praying for you today!


Miss Anna B said...

Oh Amy!!!! I am so very sorry. I have no strong words...just all the encouragement, love and prayers that I can possibly muster to send your way. God knows what's best....but He also knows that humans are fallible. Praying so very much for you.

Big hugs,

Melinda said...

So sorry to hear what you are going through. I will definitly be praying for you guys. You know how difficult our last adoption was, so believe me I know what you are going through. Just remember we serve a BIG God, much bigger than that certain government office and His will, will certainly be done with our without their cooperation. Madelyn will be here before you know it.

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Katy~The Country Blossom said...

I am so sorry you guys are going through this, Amy!!! :( How difficult for you guys...AND lil Madelyn! Remember...God works things for good for those who love Him. Just take this as a chance to strengthen your faith and remember that He has Your (and Madelyn's) best insterests at heart!!! Love and prayers! xoxo