China again, Maybe?!?!?

Ok, I need to post this because we need some prayers. For the last 6 months going back to China for another kiddo has been on my heart. I was hesitant to start looking at Waiting Child lists because I knew my heart would really open up to it and once it's open it's hard to stop obsessing, I mean thinking about it ;) Due to the changes at the CCAA we would need an agency to advocate for us because of divorce limits. So with a lump in my throat I started inquiring at a couple of agencies but didn't feel any peace about the calls I made so I reached out to a fantastic person I met through Linzhi's adoption. Her name is Stefanie and she encouraged me to call Lifeline adoption. After about 6 weeks ( I was terrified of rejection,doubt, worry, etc) I decided to make the call but this time I was confident for some reason, I felt the Lord tugging at me to call so I finally gave in. I spoke with a sweet Christian women that I instantly felt comfortable with. I felt no judgement in her tone, she was more than happy to advocate for us. I was thrilled beyond belief!! Now, the next part was to let CJ in on it. He knew I was thinking about it again because I was beginning to start conversations like... "If we ever adopt again, I would love the name Cecily Nicole for a girl.... Or...Do you think the Lord will ever call us to adopt again??? SO as much as I thought I was going to surprise him with the news that I found the agency we had hoped to find, he already knew because well, he knows me. He is so amazing because whenever I think I'm nuts to even think about adding to the family he reassures his faith is where mine is and if we feel God is calling us again than he's on board. I often wonder maybe this is another reason why I felt the tug to leave my job, maybe just maybe we'll have another pair of pitter patter feet running around here???

We got a call last Friday from Karla but I was not able to get in touch with her until Monday. We were playing phone/email tag so to say I was anxious was an understatement. Prior to her call she emailed me asking what type of SN we would consider, age of child, etc... I told her what we would be comfortable with but honestly based on how the Lord placed Linzhi in our arms, I told her we would pray about any child. On Monday, Karla had two files she wanted to share with us both kids had multiple issues that I felt in my heart were too big for us to manage with the other kids. It broke my heart for those little one's, I wish I had all it took to care for as many as possible but God knows best and it truly didn't feel right to proceed by looking at their pictures and files. At this point we wait and honestly we are fine with waiting because we believe if we are to be blessed with another child it will happen and whether that is a little boy or girl, we are ready to go...If the Lord chooses.

I didn't want to post about this until we knew something more concrete but to be honest there is so much support in the adoption/blog community that I felt at ease knowing if we get a big fat NO, I can come here to share my disappointment and if we get a fantastic YES, then I can come here and share my joy. So I'm going to share it all...

To be continued...We pray.